


I'm Nowhere If I am Here Without You

by CaptainDean13



Series: Help! I need somebody... Fics [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom Clint Barton, Dom Natasha Romanov, Dom Tony Stark, M/M, Neutral Sam Wilson, POV Alternating, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sub Bruce Banner, Sub Steve Rogers, Subdrop, Subspace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-01-30 23:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12663756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDean13/pseuds/CaptainDean13
Summary: Steve is hiding his designation - because the world is not always kind to subs, especially not subs in charge.So what happens when his secret dom makes a surprise return?





	1. I'm So Desperate Just To See Your Face

**Author's Note:**

> Both the main title and the chapter titles are from Ashes Remain's [Without You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQcF5XUmSVE)
> 
> The third posted fic from my [HELP](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9863594/chapters/22133444) post :)
> 
> I borrowed the idea of a ranking system from [thekaidonovskys's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thekaidonovskys/pseuds/thekaidonovskys) magnificent [we found love in a hopeless place](http://archiveofourown.org/series/254488) series which is one of my all time favorite series :) I twisted the idea a little for my story however.

_**Shit.**_ Steve had known this was coming. Had been ever since Bu- _**No No No. Bad idea. Very bad idea. Don’t think about HIM right now. Not gonna help. Definitely not gonna help.**_

It was the truth, however, that ever since Bucky had placed himself in SHIELD custody this had been coming. Bucky, in a rare moment of control, had shown up at the Avenger Tower two weeks ago and turned himself in. Steve had only been allowed to see him once. 

Through a one-way mirror. 

For 20 minutes. 

The forces that be had determined that until Bucky was in control more that the Winter Soldier, contact would be limited to a therapist and the medical team assigned to him. 

Steve’s argument that seeing him would possibly help bring Bucky to the fore was vehemently rejected, on the grounds that the last time the two of them had met Steve had nearly died. 

Steve’s counter that he had **not** in fact died because clearly Bucky knew him was pointedly ignored. 

Steve had not yet worked up the courage to use his last argument. The one that would almost definitely let him see Bucky (thanks to changes in several laws since the 40’s) but would also completely destroy everything else he had: his reputation, his standing in SHIELD and more importantly his status as leader of the Avengers. He knew they probably wouldn’t kick him out of the Avengers entirely, but there was no way they would allow him to lead. 

One simple hidden truth that could destroy everything he had now and yet could possibly bring back the thing that meant the most to him: Steve was a Sub….and Bucky was his Dom.

No one knew. Well, alright, there were some that knew. Steve. Bucky. Peggy, God bless her, though Steve didn’t know how much she remembered. His DS Counselor knew of course. The Howlies had known, back in the war. Wasn’t much chance of hiding it there, but the last of them had passed before Steve had come out of the ice. He wasn’t sure if Tony knew. The man had never given any indication that he did, but Howard had known about Steve’s status, if not his bond. It was possible he had mentioned it to his son. That was the extent. No one else on Earth knew who Steve really was.

_**Alright, Rogers, focus. You can’t afford to think about this shit. Not if you are going to get through this.**_ Steve chided himself. He could feel the drop closing in, despite his efforts. 

The mission was supposed to have been pretty simple: infiltrate the base, rescue the hostages, gather as much intel as possible, and then burn it to the ground. Despite that, Steve knew that he shouldn’t have come. Seeing Bucky, even through a window and without Bucky knowing he was there, had sent him spiraling towards subspace. Steve had managed to contain it the first time it had happened on the bridge, his maskers preventing Sam and Nat from noticing until he could get into the gym and take the edge off. He had not been conscious after the fall into the river and that had effectively negated any immediate effects from the confrontation. However, it appeared that the Project Insight incident had damaged Steve deeper than he thought. Being shot and almost beaten to death by Bucky, his Dom, the one who had always cherished and protected him had loosened Steve’s control over his submissive nature. After a fight like that he had always had Bucky to keep him safe. Seeing Bucky after his return had snapped several of the thin threads of control Steve had after the years of neglect. 

So yes, overall, Steve putting himself in any situation with this much potential to go sideways had been a horrifically bad choice. But there had been hostages, including several children, and Steve had never been able to walk away from something like that. It had started out alright. Clint and Bruce had managed to extract the hostages while Natasha had hacked into the database and Steve and Tony fighting off the men manning the base. Sam had been providing aerial coverage. They were almost done when the last door to the control room burst open and more men came spilling into the room. Steve and Tony were not enough to control the flow, and Clint left the rescued civilians in Bruce’s capable hands and come hurrying to help. Natasha had finished obtaining the information they needed and joined in to help finish. There were only a few men left standing when the overwhelming dominance of the fighters, both the men from the base and his own team had finally started to overwhelm his control. 

Steve was fighting off the drop as hard as he could, but it was hard. Harder than anything he could remember. The drop was coming, and it was going to be bad. 

_**Apparently worse than I think**_ Steve noted idly as he felt the raging hormones finally overwhelm his maskers. He wasn’t the only one that noticed. He was bent double, clutching at his thighs in an attempt to remain upright. 

From the corner of his eye he saw Natasha suddenly stiffen. She whirled to face him and cursed violently in Russian under her breath. Then she was forcing herself to turn her back and begin to move towards where Tony and Clint were finishing off the last two men. 

“Tony.” She said as she walked. Her tone was rock hard and left no room for questioning, but she was desperately trying to keep any hint of command from entering her voice. “Tony listen to me. You need to pin Clint and I against the fall wall right now. Then lock the suit so you can’t release us or move yourself. Set it to only be unlocked by Bruce or Sam. Sam, I need you to get to the control room as fast as you can.”

Steve could hear Sam’s confused assent and Bruce’s quiet inquiry, but he couldn’t quite grasp the words. He was now clenching his thighs so hard that his nails had dug into his skin and he was beginning to bleed. He could see Tony turning to ask Natasha what the hell was going on. Natasha spoke again before he could even open his mouth. “Tony, we don’t have time to argue. You need to pin us right fucking now because we are about to have a serious problem.” 

Steve had just enough sense left to see Tony respond to Natasha’s orders and pin the two against the wall (Clint had moved to the wall as soon as Natasha spoke). He locked down the suit and then finally asked, “What the FUCK IS HAPPENING?!” 

Natasha didn’t have to answer however. Steve could see the moment it hit them. Tony froze, and Clint immediately started to growl and begin struggling with the Iron Man hand that was placed in the middle of his chest. Natasha had closed her eyes and was clenching and unclenching her fists as she fought the urge to do the same.

Any Dom can feel a nearby sub’s level. If one starts to drop, the instinct is to help. Often it is not a problem. Sub drop is not necessarily uncommon, but it was not something that typically happened in everyday life. It was also not something that typically happened in public. The effect of the sub drop on the Doms in question was also a reflection of the sub that was dropping. The stronger the sub, the worse the inherent reaction from the doms. 

Thank God Natasha figured it out quickly enough to act. If they were any closer I would never be able to fight this. 

It was already nearly impossible. The dominance emanating from the other side of the room was overwhelming. Tony, being the lowest ranked of the three, was mostly in control of himself. Natasha had had a slight window from when she first felt Steve to mentally prepare. It was enough to let her cling to her control. Clint was a different story. The strongest of the three doms, he had been blindsided by Steve’s situation, and had slipped into a dominant headspace before he had a chance to react. He was still squirming against Tony’s hold and his growls had morphed slightly. He was now growling Steve’s name over and over as he fought to help the desperate sub across the room.

Steve needed him to stop because that was REALLY not helping. Thankfully, a few moments later Sam came sprinting into the room. He scanned the room quickly, but had clearly deduced some of what was happening from what he had heard over the comms. 

**_Bless Natasha for calling him._** Steve thought desperately. Sam was the only true neutral on the team. Rank 50, he was perfectly balanced and that would enable him to help both Steve and the Doms. A minute of analyzing the situation and Sam was heading towards Steve, barking “Tony and Natasha, shut Clint up.” 

_**Oh good. That’s a good idea.**_ Steve thought fuzzily as Sam crouched down next to him. Keeping his voice carefully level, he tried to catch Steve’s eyes. “Hey Steve. Steve. I need you to focus on me for a minute. Look at me Steve.” 

From a dom, the orders would have hurtled Steve straight into the drop, but with Sam it was enough to help Steve focus his eyes on Sam’s dark, concerned ones. 

“Good Steve. That’s good. Alright I need to answer a couple questions. Can you do that?”

Steve knew he needed to answer. He fought to speak the words. Any words, actually. _**Shit.**_ He thought. _**Words are hard.**_

Apparently, he had taken too long to answer. Sam was swearing slightly under his breath and turning to face the others. “Guys, he’s non-verbal. What the fuck is happening here? Steve is neutral.”

Natasha was the one who answered. “That is how he has always registered to us. But during the fight I felt something change, I don’t know what. And now…” She trailed off taking a deep shuddering breath. “Now I don’t know how we ever made that mistake. He is strong, Sam.”

This was something Steve could explain, assuming he could find the words. Unclenching one of his hands, he switched the grip to Sam’s shirt front, remembering at the last second that if he grabbed Sam’s flesh he was likely to hurt him. Forcing the words past the encroaching cloud he said “Maskers……Cap…. persona.”

Sam stared at him for a second and then understanding filled his eyes. “You are taking maskers and projecting a neutral Captain America persona?” Steve nodded, paused and then shook his head.

“Cap. Dom.”

Natasha spoke from the wall again. “He is right Sam. With how overpowering he is right now, the Captain America façade must be dominant. Somehow the combination of the maskers and the dominant persona balance his submissive side enough that he feels neutral.”

“He needs both to feel neutral?! Jesus Crist, what rank are you Steve?” Sam asked.

Steve tried to respond, but words were now completely beyond him. There was another way to answer the question, however. Releasing Sam’s shirt, he reached for the sleeve on his other arm and tugged. Seeing what he was trying to do, Sam reached over and yanked the sleeve up, only to freeze. 

“Holy Hell.” He breathed. Swallowing, he turned wide eyes back to Steve and then to the others. “Natasha, look.” Sam croaked as he shifted to reveal the swirling blue designs covering Steve’s uncovered forearm. 

Natasha stared and the flicked her eyes up to Sam. “He has to be high 90s with that much coverage. He is also bonded by the looks of it.” 

Sam nodded and turned to examine Steve again. “Steve, I need you to find some way to answer ok? Nod, shake your head, anything. Are you currently bonded?”

Steve knew what Sam was asking. Just because his marks had colored did not mean that he had an active Dom. Trying to figure out the best way to answer the simple question that had a ridiculously complicated answer, Steve had a sudden burst of insight. Raising his hand from where it had gone back to clenching his thigh, he started to undo the top of his uniform. Seeing what he was doing, Sam helped him undo the fastenings, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw the simple black leather of Steve’s collar. “He’s collared.” He yelled over his shoulder and Steve could feel the three doms relax just a fraction. Their instincts were still screaming for them to help Steve, but that was now tempered with the instinctive backing off of another dom’s sub. 

“Steve,“ Sam was looking at Steve again. Steve worked to focus on him. “Steve, does anyone know who your dom is? Obviously, the team doesn’t, but we need to know who to call to have them waiting when we get back to the Tower.”

Steve thought for a minute and then reached up to tug at his collar. Sam reached up to pull his hand away. “It says on the collar? Man, that’s fucking old school. I didn’t realize anyone still did….” He trailed off as he got a good look at the engraving on the collar, then “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” each curse getting progressively louder. 

“What?!” Tony yelled from where he was still facing the wall. “Sam what’s wrong?”

Sam was staring at the collar in horror as he answered, “James Barnes is Steve’s Dom.”

A litany of swears arose from the far side of the room as Sam looked back up at Steve. “Steve, this is probably the most important question I will ask you today, so I need you to hang on long enough to answer me. Have you been dropped since Barnes fell?”

Steve closed his eyes and shuddered. Then he slowly shook his head from side to side. Sam’s curses had taken on a panicked edge as he spun and ran toward the three against the other wall. He was yelling at Bruce over the comms to get extraction ready because they needed to get back to the tower yesterday.

Steve was having a hard time concentrating on anything anymore. It was all he could do to keep from surrendering to the cloud he could see forming on the edge of his vision. He blinked and realized that he had slide to his knees at some point. _**When did that happen? And what are they fighting about?**_ Steve wondered dazedly as he registered the heated conversation of the others. He forced himself to focus and was able to catch some of the words.

“…you are out of your mind….”

“…. too dangerous, he is not Barnes anymore….”

_**They’re talking about Bucky**_ Steve thought, a slow smile crossing his face at the thought of Bucky. _**My Bucky, where is my Bucky? Why isn’t he here? Why am I not with Bucky? No no no no I don’t like this. I need him. I need Bucky!**_


	2. I'm So Desperate Calling Out Your Name

“Fuck, he’s gone. We lost him. We have to take him to Barnes. I know he isn’t the most stable individual, but who else is going to be able to help him?? We can’t just leave him like this and none of you, or anyone else I can think of, is anywhere close to being strong enough to handle him!”

“There are high ranked doms at SHIELD, Sam. It is not safe for anyone to be near Barnes! Especially not a sub in sub drop!!”

“Natasha, he told me he hasn’t been dropped since Barnes fell.”

“That is not possible.”

“I know it sounds insane, but have you ever seen a sub that was able to lie when they were that far under? Exactly. Somehow he was able to manage himself since he has been out of the ice. But you know what this means.”

Clint finally abandoned his single-minded focus on Steve to interject. “Tasha he’s right.”

“Clint!”

“Tasha! We don’t have a choice. With as high ranked as Steve is and how fucking long it’s been? We will be lucky to make it back to the Tower without him starting to convulse. We don’t have time to argue this.” Clint returned to studying the small, shuddering ball Steve had reduced himself to. Taking a deep breath, he looked at Sam. “Release the suit. I’ll try to keep him from dropping further until we get there but Barnes is the only one who has a chance of helping.”

Sam nodded, eyes dark with concern as he glanced over his shoulder. As soon as the gauntlet pulled away from his chest, Clint was making his way to Steve. He could hear scared, broken whimpers interspersed with pleading cries of “Bucky” as he drew nearer. Clint’s throat tightened. He couldn’t stand to see any sub in distress, but the fact that it was one of his best friends lying hurting at his feet was nigh unbearable. 

Forcing aside the fear that he would not be strong enough to stave off the imminent disaster, Clint settled himself into his most powerful mindset. Taking a deep breath, he crouched next to Steve and took his neck in a firm hand. “Steve.” His voice took on a ring of command. Steve’s shudders slowed slightly at the touch and the sound. Not enough. “Good, you’re listening.” He repeated, putting as much power and reassurance as he had into the words. “Steve we need to go. I can take you to Bucky but I need you to stand up.” The words were enough to get Steve uncurled and trying to push to his feet. He was still making those desperate noises, and he was not focusing on anything, but Clint had managed to stop the free fall into sub drop. Sam came over and helped Clint get Steve upright and moving to the jet. Clint never released his hold of Steve, terrified of what might happen. 

“I have an idea.” Sam was the first one to speak other than Clint’s quiet murmurs to Steve. “I think that Steve being this far down will be enough to trigger even the Winter Soldier’s instincts if nothing else, but we can do one better. We should present Steve as honestly as possible.”

Bruce looked up. “You want his marks shown.”

“And his collar, yes.” Sam agreed. “Think about it – we know they are bonded. Seeing Steve’s marks and collar might help Barnes take over.”

“It can’t hurt to try.” Bruce mused. “We should make sure to clear out a path to Barnes’s cell, though. Steve has been so careful in hiding all of this, I don’t think he would be pleased if we revealed everything to whoever happens to be nearby.”

Tony’s voice crackled over the comms. “I’m already on it. I am clearing the building. Should be empty by the time you arrive.”

“Thanks Tony. Bruce, will you help me get his uniform top off?” Sam asked, heading towards where Clint was sitting with Steve on the floor by his feet. Clint shifted slightly so they could have room to maneuver without him having to release his hold on Steve. 

“I don’t think I can hold him here much longer.” Clint admitted, fear seeping into his voice as he looked at Sam and Bruce. “He was pretty far gone by the time I got to him and he is fighting it. I have never tried to hold a sub this powerful before, especially one bonded to another Dom.” 

“Just do as much as you can.” Sam replied, pulling one of the sleeves of Steve’s uniform off his shoulder. “We are almost back to the tower.”

They wrestled the top of Steve’s uniform down to his waist. The three of them stopped to stare at the marks the coiled around Steve. They were everywhere. Starting from the center of his chest they wrapped up and over his shoulders, twining down his arms, trailing down his rippled stomach, twisting around his ribs to flair along his back. The deep rich blue contrasted against his golden skin. 

“Damn.” Sam said, impressed, “That is hardly fair.”

Bruce let out a surprised laugh and Clint grinned. The break in tension seemed to calm even Steve. 

“We are coming in to land, boys.” Natasha said as she guided the jet to the pad on the top of the tower. Clint got Steve to his feet as the jet touched down and half dragged the clinging sub down the ramp, the others following close behind. They moved as quickly as possible to the elevator and descended to the floor where Barnes was being held. They were all ready to breathe a sigh of relief upon arrival of the floor, but then the doors slide open to the sounds of furious yelling. Disturbed by what the arguing could mean, Clint stepped forward to see what was going on and in the process let go of Steve’s neck. Realizing his mistake, he spun in a rush, but it was too late. The loss of the grounding touch in addition to the yelling was too much for Steve. He collapsed, keening and starting to sob.

“Fuck!” Clint spat. “I fucked up. We need to get him to Barnes right fucking now.” Bending down, he and Sam hauled Steve up between them and started down the hallway. Rounding the corner, they came upon the scene of the argument, namely Tony against Barnes’s therapist and two guards with guns drawn. 

“What’s the problem Tony?” Natasha asked, slipping in front of the men.

“They are trying to deny access to Barnes!!” Tony replied frantically. “They aren’t listening to me!”

“Sgt. Barnes is on restricted access. Only myself and his medical team are allowed in.” The therapist responded coldly. 

Natasha looked at her for a moment and then took a slow step towards her. “We need access to his room.” She said in a quiet, deadly voice. “You are about to break several laws relating to the safety and wellbeing of submissives. Please believe me when I say I have no problem breaking several laws regarding the sanctity of human life if you attempt to stop us.” 

The guards exchanged nervous glances while the therapist swallowed thickly and then tried once more. “You cannot just barge in here and….”

Clint interrupted her, voice low in an attempt to contain his mounting panic. “Tasha, he is fully dropped and is… fuck, he is practically plummeting. If we don’t get him in that room right now he is going into sub shock.” 

The second the words were out, Natasha had the woman up against the wall with a blade at her throat. Tony and Bruce were standing before the guards, blocking their access to both the therapist and the door to Barnes’s room. “Go.” Natasha said, and Clint and Sam wasted no more time in dragging Steve to the door. “The code?” Natasha asked quietly, the knife pressing in a little closer. 

“389536.” The answer came from one of the guards, who was staring at Steve with a kind of muted horror. 

Sam entered the code and Clint opened the door. Barnes was standing on the far side of the room, watching the door. He tensed when it opened, then froze as Sam and Clint dragged Steve through. Clint watched as Barnes’s nostrils flared and he could see the exact moment that Bucky wrenched control from the Winter Soldier.

“Steve!” He shouted, rushing forward. Clint and Sam relinquished Steve into Bucky’s arms and then turned and headed toward the door. 

Clint hesitated as he reached the door. Turning slightly to face the men in the room, he said quietly, “We will have someone outside at all times – one of us I mean. If you need anything, just ask. We will help in any way we can.” Turning back around and stepping into the hall he added, “Take care of him Barnes… he is important to us.” 

The door clanged shut behind him and Clint leaned against it, eyeing the guards and the still pinned therapist. Turning to the guards he said calmly, “You are relieved. The Avengers will handle guard duty for the foreseeable future.” The therapist started to protest but was quickly silenced by an increase in pressure of the blade at her throat.

The guards completely ignored her. One snapped a quick salute, spun on his heel and hurried off down the hall. The other – the one who had provided the door code – hesitated a moment and then said, “If you need any help – even just running for supplies, I offer my services, sir.”

Clint inclined his head in thanks and asked, “What is your name?”

“Kate Bishop, sir.”

“Well, Bishop, I think we could all use some food – it has been a long day. Would you mind accompanying Dr. Banner and assist him in finding some and bringing it back here?” Clint asked, raising a brow at Bruce in inquiry. At his nod, Clint turned back to see Bishop nodding almost frantically. 

“Yes!” She replied. “I can definitely do that. Should we also… I mean…” Bishop trailed off, going quiet as she noticed them watching her. It struck Clint that she was younger than he had originally thought.

“What are you thinking?” He asked.

“Well – there is nothing in that room except a bare cot… should we get some blankets and pillows or something? Maybe something more sub-friendly for the Captain to wear?”

Natasha hissed at the therapist. “You stripped his room?”

The therapist glared and opened her mouth, but Tony got there first. “I wouldn’t.” He warned, repulsor whining. Her mouth snapped shut and she raised her chin.

Refocusing on the young woman, Clint smiled grimly. “It would be very helpful if you could obtain those items. Dr. Banner will be able to help you pick out appropriate ones – enhanced as they are, he and Cap require specialized fabrics for their skin…even more so during a drop.”

Bishop nodded and turned to smile at Bruce. “Shall we?” She asked, motioning for him to accompany her down the hall.

When they were out of sight, Clint turned to survey the others. “I am staying here… I need to be close for a bit. Tony and Nat – why don’t you take out friend here for a chat? Sam, do you mind staying here with me?”

They agreed and Clint waved Tony over as Nat started dragging the protesting therapist down the hall in the opposite direction of the one Bruce and Bishop had taken. “Have JARVIS dig up everything he can on her – I have a bad feeling about this. I don’t want her anywhere near either Steve or Barnes… but maybe try and keep Nat from killing her?”

“Trying to keep Natasha from doing something sounds like a losing proposition… but I will do my best. Oh, and J has been working since she first denied me access – should have something in a couple hours at the latest.” Tony replied with a mocking salute as he backed away in the direction Nat had gone.

“You think she is Hydra?” Sam asked, leaning against the wall next to him. Clint sighed and slid down the door to sit on the floor.

“Honestly? I have no idea. I’ll need to talk to Phil at some point, but it can wait until the others come back.” Tipping his head back and closing his eyes, he groaned. “What a day.”

Clint heard Sam snort a laugh as he settled next to Clint on the floor, and then they descended into silence, keeping watch for their friend.


	3. Meet Me In This Broken Place

Kate snuck a glance out the corner of her eye at the man walking next to her. She knew who he was of course, everybody knew Dr. Banner, but she had never gotten the chance to meet him… or any of the avengers for that matter. It surprised her that so many people disliked him. **_Sure, there is the whole Hulk alter ego thing,_** Kate mused, **_but Dr. Banner seems to have a handle on that._** In fact, the man seemed to radiate calmness – Kate could feel herself relaxing as they went. **_Can you absorb relaxation through osmosis? They should figure that out and bottle that shit._**

Clearing her throat, she asked, “Should we get the food first or the other items? I think we will need to make two trips – it will be a lot to carry for just the two of us.”

Gentle brown eyes regarded her thoughtfully over the rim of his glasses. “Yes, food alone will take both of us.” Dr. Banner smiled faintly. “We tend to eat an obnoxious amount after a fight.”

“Should we do the pillows and stuff first?” Kate ventures hesitantly.

“Why?” 

Dr. Banner sounded curious instead of annoyed, which gave her the courage to answer. “Well…. The Captain is unlikely to eat if he is that far down a drop. He needs the calories, but his Dom is going to have to force a futzing protein shake down his throat – uh, sorry.” She squeaked, brain finally catching up to her mouth. 

Dr. Banner laughed. “I spend most of my time with Tony Stark – no need to censor yourself on my account. You were saying?”

Kate gave him a sheepish smile. “If food is going to be a trial, shouldn’t we make our first priority something that is going to help? Getting the Captain some clothes and items that will comfort him and surround him with pleasant sensations will help bring him out of the drop faster.”

“You’re right.” Dr. Banner nodded. “Lead on, young padawan.” 

Kate grinned in delight and hurried off toward the closest specialized supply closet. It wasn’t until they were wandering the shelves, pulling anything they thought might help, that she gathered the courage to ask the question bothering her. **_What’s the worst that can happen?_** Kate thinks recklessly. “Does Agent Barton have a sub?”

One corner of Dr. Banner’s mouth curled up in a grim smile. “You noticed too then. No, he doesn’t have a sub – not a contracted or bonded one anyway. Someone is going to have to pull him out soon though.”

Kate nodded and turned back to the shelves. **_Soon my ass. Dude needs a sub now._** She could feel Dr. Banner studying her, but stubbornly ignored him as she searched. **_Where did I hide that thing?_** Stifling a whoop of success, Kate grabbed the blanket she had stashed months ago. Holding it out to Dr. Banner she asked, “Will this work for the Captain? It is the softest I have found while working here.”

Dr. Banner reached out and ran a hand over the blanket. He stopped and blinked in surprise before repeating the action. “This is perfect. SHEILD just has these lying around?”

“I think it was mostly Coulson’s doing.” Kate admits. “There are more things from this line that we can grab if you think it will work … I may have stashed a bunch of them.” 

“Yeah let’s grab it all.” Dr. Banner replied.

**_All of it? But what the hell am I supposed to…_** Kate thought hysterically before forcing herself to take a deep breath. **_Captain Rogers needs it. Do your part. Not the first time you have dealt without, unfortunately won’t be the last._** She carefully unclenched her fists and glanced up in surprise when a hand gently touched her shoulder. Dr. Banner was watching her with sympathetic eyes. 

“We don’t have to take everything. I didn’t know.”

Kate shook her head. “The Captain needs it. I can find more.” Before she could second guess, Kate scaled the shelves, ignoring Dr. Banner’s confused inquiry. She heard a disbelieving snort when she began unscrewing the vent cover, but when she shot a glance down at him he merely shook his head and waved her on. Kate reached into the open vent dragged out the bag she had hidden. She threw the strap over her shoulder, replaced the vent and jumped down. 

They gather as many pillows as they can carry and head out of the supply closet. The two return to find Agent Barton and Mr. Wilson sitting outside the door with no one else in sight. 

“Did you bring back the whole closet?” Mr. Wilson laughed. Agent Barton cracked open an eye and then blinked both open in surprise. 

Kate flushed but Dr. Banner merely shrugged, “We figured too much was better than not enough.”

“Fair point.” Agent Barton stepped forward to take the pile from Kate. She pulled back a step and opened her mouth, then snapped it shut and blushed furiously. Agent Barton tilted his head and studied her. Kate tried not to squirm under his scrutiny. He opened his mouth and Kate braced herself. She nearly dropped the pillows when what he said was “My name is Clint.” Kate stared at him in confusion. Agent Barton hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “This is Sam.” Pointing next to her, “That’s Bruce.” The finger moved to her. “And you are Kate. There. Now we are friends – first name basis. So say what you want. Don’t edit yourself for fear of offending us or overstepping your place or whatever it is you are worried about.”

Straightening her spine Kate decided to take him at his word. “I don’t think you should be the one to go in there. This whole situation is a jenga tower of matchsticks over a pile of explosives. You just reunited a severely distressed sub with his … mentally unstable…. bonded Dom. I have seen bonded pairs that have only been separated for months react badly – it has been years for them. The threat of Barnes reverting to the Winter Soldier makes this case even trickier. So yeah – I think sending a powerful Dom in full dom mode in there – especially one with a close relationship to the sub, one who was, in fact, just actively dominating said sub just minutes ago, is a pretty futzing terrible idea. Sending me or Bruce in wouldn’t be as bad but it still isn’t ideal. Send Sam in.”

Clint was watching her intently, his expression almost – ** _No Bishop, don’t go there!_** She chided herself, wrenching her gaze from Clint and glancing at the others to gage their reactions. Sam was flat out grinning at her from behind Clint, and it looked like only supreme self-control was keeping Bruce from doing the same. 

Sam stepped around Clint and cheerfully chirped, “Here, I’ll take that!” 

Kate relinquished her pillows to him and swung the bag off her shoulder before carefully easing it over his head. She chanced another glance at Clint – **_Why is he still staring?_** – before turning to Bruce. “Food?” she asked. 

Now Bruce did grin. He stepped forward and handed his pile of stuff to Clint, finally snapping his concentration. **_I am NOT disappointed._** Kate told herself firmly as she heard Bruce tell Clint to “Hold these for Sam.”

Turning back to Kate, Bruce copied the gesture she had made earlier, motioning her down the hall. She went, managing not to look at Clint again as she did. They rounded the corner and Bruce dropped his control, chuckling, “Oh brother, that was one of the best things I have seen in ages. I should ask – are you bonded? Contracted?”

Kate shook her head. She wasn’t sure what her expression was doing but apparently it was concerning as Bruce reached out and stopped her. Gently turning her to face him he asked, “Are you uncomfortable with it? You don’t have to come back with me. Or you can just tell him to stop. He will, trust me. Clint would never do anything you are uncomfortable with. Seriously, even with as screwed as his headspace is right now he would be checking in with you constantly – I swear he has a kink for consent or something…. Dammit. He just had to dominate an unwilling sub. No wonder he is so high strung right now. I should have seen that coming. Nothing to do about it though – it had to be done. Sorry, I am rambling – I was trying to ask if you were okay.”

“It’s not…. I mean I’m not… it’s just no one… why would he…?” Kate abandoned her attempt to verbalize the chaos swirling in her head and just stared at Bruce helplessly.

Bruce smiled at her, though it was sad and gentle. “Just don’t worry about it. You caught Clint’s interest, but it doesn’t have to be more than that if you don’t want. Come on – let’s find some food.”

Kate followed him, mind whirling so fast she couldn’t even form one complete thought before she went on to the next. **_Ok Bishop._** She told herself as Bruce was pushing various boxes and bags into her arms. **_There is really only one question you need to answer right now – do you want this?_**

**_God, yes._ **

That settled her. Kate took a deep breath and glanced down to see what she was carrying. A bit of everything seemed to be the answer. Looking up at Bruce she raised an eyebrow. He shrugged. “We tend to eat a lot after a fight, but it can be somewhat random what people want. I have found it is better to just grab a lot of good recovery foods and let them figure it out themselves.”

“What are these?” Kate hitched one shoulder in an attempt to point out the packs near her elbow. 

“Oh, those are some high calorie gels Tony and I came up with. Steve and Thor need a lot of calories to keep up with their metabolisms – Barnes will too probably. And it the other guy comes out I need a lot to recuperate. Often it is easier to supplement with those than to try and get them all the traditional way. I am not sure Barnes will be able to get Steve to eat one – the texture may prove problematic, but I figured it didn’t hurt to provide them. I grabbed some traditional protein shakes as a backup.”

“Huh. Cool.” Kate replied as they started hauling the stuff back to Barnes’s cell.

Bruce stopped her just before they came back into sight of the others. “Are you sure you are alright with coming back?” He asked, studying her. “It is really fine if you don’t – no one will think any less of you.”

Kate smiled at him. She hoped she got another opportunity to interact with the man – he seemed like someone she would like to befriend. “I am fine. Really. Thank you.”

Bruce nodded and led the way around the corner. Sam was sitting cross-legged in front of the door while Clint leaned against the wall next to him. Clint’s sharp eyes were roving the corridor, but they locked onto Kate the second she came into view. Kate heard Bruce stifle a snort next to her, but he refrained from commentary.

Both men pushed to their feet as she and Bruce approached. Bruce once again dumped his armful into Clint’s hands, trusting his quick reflexes to catch it all. Then Bruce began to sort through Clint and Kate’s loads, pulling items out and passing them to Sam. “There.” He said finally. “Take that in to Steve and Barnes, then come out and eat something yourself.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam smirked, turning to open the door just enough to slip through.

“Clint – sit down and eat something. Then you can talk to Kate.”

“Bruce, wait…” Kate interjected. “Can’t you feel it?”

Bruce stopped, looked at her, then focused on Clint. “Jesus, Clint.” He swore as he pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up his forehead. “When one thing goes wrong around here, everything does. Fucking Murphey’s Law.”

Kate looked at Clint. “Is there someone you want us to call?” He shook his head slowly, eyes never leaving her. 

“Goddammit it’s like he….” Bruce’s head snapped up to stare at them.

“Ah shit. He’s imprinted on her, hasn’t he?” Sam asked. Kate jumped – she hadn’t seen him come back out of the cell. Clint stiffened and angled his body so he was between Sam and Kate without losing sight of her. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Sam sighed.

“It’s ok.” Kate said, slightly breathless. **_I can’t believe it. This can’t really be happening._** “I can handle him. Do you trust me to?” She asked, realizing they had no reason to. “My rooms aren’t far – I can take him there. You can check up on us if you want. Or… you trust Phil, right? Call Phil Coulson. He’ll vouch for me.”

“You know Phil?” It was the first time Clint had spoken since she had told him off. Kate fought back a shiver at the sound. 

“Yes.” She squeaked.

“You know Phil well enough that he’d vouch for you?” Bruce asked, surprised. Kate nodded. “Ok. I’ll stay here with Sam. I will call Phil – need to anyway – but go ahead. Clint’s not going to last much longer.”

Kate could tell too – she could feel Clint spiraling tighter the longer they stood there talking. She quickly gave Bruce and Sam directions to her room. Then Kate turned to Clint.

**_You can do this._ **

She took a deep breath and held out her hand.


	4. Hold Me Now, I Need To Feel You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update.... but I made it better by giving you Stucky??

When Steve comes through the door of his cell, sobbing and deeper in subspace than Bucky has ever seen him, it is the first time since…. well since he plummeted from the train, really, that Bucky feels completely himself. He can still sense the shadow of the Soldier lurking in the back of his mind, but it is simple to throw him in a cage there and lock the door firmly. Steve needs him - _him_ , Bucky - and Bucky is resolved that after everything he has done, he won’t fuck this up as well.

The two men who carried Steve into the room drop him into Bucky’s hold and Bucky sunk to the ground, Steve cradled in his arms. He bristled as the blond man - dom, powerful, engaged - paused before leaving, but as he listened to the man Bucky realized the man truly cared about Steve. Bucky couldn’t be anything but grateful that Steve had found people to watch his six while Bucky was gone. He was still relieved when the man left, however, so Bucky could focus on Steve completely.

The desperation of Steve’s cries had tapered off as Bucky held him, but he was still crying and clumsily tried to get closer to Bucky. Bucky hushed him and released Steve with one hand in order to haul the scrub top SHIELD had provided him over his head. Steve immediately burrowed closer, and Bucky gently guided him until they were plastered together, chest to chest, Steve’s head buried in the crook of Bucky’s neck. Bucky rocked them slightly as he murmured reassurances into his sub’s hair.

A low, firm knock interrupted the quiet moment. The door opened to reveal the black man that had carried Steve in earlier, arms laden with pillows. Bucky tensed in anticipation of his instincts flaring, but they remained quiet. His confusion must have shown on his face, because the man chuckled before he eased into the room and shut the door behind him. 

“Hey, I’m Sam.” The man said with a grin. “And I am going to guess that face is because I am registering as a null on your instincts, isn’t it?”

“You’re a neutral?” Bucky replied cautiously.

The man - Sam - nodded. “Perfect neutral. I am also a very good friend of Steve’s.”

Bucky cast a glance down at the blond trembling in his arms at the words. Steve hadn’t reacted to Sam’s entrance, so Bucky didn’t protest the man’s presence… for the moment anyway. “Why are you carrying a barrack’s worth of pillows?” He asked instead.

Sam snorted. “Believe it or not, there are more outside waiting for me to bring in. We heard they had stripped your cell and figured you and Steve could use some stuff.” Sam moved to the bed, keeping to the perimeter of the room, and dumped his armload of pillows there. He then moved until he was just out of arm’s reach of Steve and Bucky and removed the bag hanging over his shoulder. Sam knelt and unzipped the bag before he pushed it toward Bucky. 

“Blankets and clothes.” Sam explained, as he caught the suspicious glance Bucky cast at the bag. “Thought you’d like to get Steve out of his uniform and yourself out of that prison uniform.”

“Steve - he needs special clothes since the serum.”

“We know. Bruce - who also needs specialized cloth - went to retrieve these. They should be fine to use for Steve.” The man paused for a minute as he studied Bucky. “There is something you need to know. I talked to Steve right as he started to drop… well that’s a bit of a lie - he was already nonverbal when I got to him. You know what that means - he probably couldn’t have lied to me if he tried. When I asked him who his dom was he told me it was you using his collar. Steve still wears your collar Barnes, he claims you as his dom.... Do you know what that means?”

Bucky shook his head. The dread gathered in his stomach made him fairly certain he did not want to hear what was coming next.

Sam exhaled harshly. “Steve hasn’t been dropped since you fell.” He said bluntly. Bucky barely heard the next words over the roaring in his ears. “He confirmed it when I asked. Your boy needs help, Barnes. We didn’t have any choice but to bring him to you and we were barely in time. Help him. Fight the Soldier. You have to stay, man, because I am not sure Steve will survive if you disappear again.”

Bucky clutched Steve to his chest tighter. He knew he was leaving bruises, but was unable to stop. Steve didn’t appear to mind, as he hummed and rubbed his nose against Bucky’s neck. Bucky buried his face in Steve’s hair and tried to get ahold of himself. God, his baby, his Stevie, his beautiful, gentle, powerful sub, had suffered so much. Bucky strengthened his resolve to remain himself. He added another lock or twenty to the cage holding the Soldier in his head.

Bucky heard Sam move toward the door. “I will be back in a moment with the rest of the pillows and then I will bring some food in when Bruce and Kate get back with it. Barnes - we took over guarding this room. Nothing is going to get through us. You are both safe.”

Bucky nodded without lifting his head and Sam left the room momentarily to retrieve the pillows. Once he had dropped those off and left again Bucky murmured to Steve again.

“God baby, I am so sorry. I never meant to leave you all alone. I swore I would always be there and I failed. But I promise I will do my best to never leave you again. I can’t promise I won’t, but I will do everything in my power to avoid it and you can bet I would fight like hell to get back to you if I am forced to leave. God, Stevie, why did you let yourself go that long alone? I know you love me sweetheart, but you thought I was dead. Were you trying to follow me? Guess it doesn’t matter now - although you know we are going to be discussing this later. But I am back. And for right now we are going to wait for Sam to come back with some food. Then I am going to get you nice and comfy and feed you - you are so skinny baby. Worse than back in the war and Lord knows we were always scrounging to feed you back then….”

Bucky let his words travel aimlessly, just said whatever came to mind while he kept his voice calm and even and affectionate. Steve was too deep to process the words but he would be able to ground himself on Bucky’s voice and use it to bring himself back. Bucky talked until another knock warned of Sam’s return. 

The man opened the door and slid in holding a variety of offerings. He dumped them on the floor close to Bucky and Steve and poked through the pile. “Most of this should be pretty obvious, got normal recovery foods for you,” Sam said. He looked over Bucky’s thin frame critically before he returned to his perusal of the food. “Got normal protein shakes for Steve but also - here they are - these gels. They will get a lot of calories into Steve in very little time. He likes them normally, but who knows with him like this. Let us know if there is anything else. We won’t bother you again until you need us. Don’t know who will be out there when you’re ready but it will be an avenger.”

“Thank you.” Bucky replied. 

“Of course man.” Sam smiled before he retreated out of the room. 

Bucky relaxed knowing that no one would come in to bother him or Steve until he had stabilized Steve. The skin contact and proximity of his dom had already helped, but Steve was still lost to the dark side of subspace. 

Bucky gathered Steve into his arms and stood, carrying his sub to the nest his cot had become. He laid Steve in the middle and kept one hand on Steve’s chest as he used the other to slowly work the various clasps and zippers of Steve’s uniform open. Steve, who had keened at the initial loss of contact, raised his hands to clumsily play with the hand Bucky held to his chest. Bucky smiled faintly and drummed his fingers on Steve’s sternum as he maneuvered Steve’s legs out of the uniform. Steve hummed in pleasure. 

“Does that feel good sweetheart? Being out of that rough uniform? I bet it does.” Bucky rumbled. He eyed Steve and then the sink on the adjacent wall. “I am going to step away for just a moment baby, but I swear I will be right back.”

Bucky moved fast, snagging the bag of clothes and blankets on his way to the sink. He ignored Steve’s heartbreaking cry and pulled one of the shirts out of the bag to wet in the sink. Then he was back at Steve’s side. Bucky lowered himself onto the cot and let Steve cling to him as he soothed the sub. He gently used the damp shirt to clean the dirt, oil, blood and other substances dirtying Steve’s skin before he pulled out a pair of ridiculously soft lounge pants from the bag and slid them up over Steve’s legs. He left Steve a hand to clutch as he yanked his own pants off and pulled on another pair of the lounge pants. Bucky decided to forego shirts - the skin contact would help Steve come back faster, and there were plenty of blankets in the bag to cocoon himself and Steve in to keep Steve warm. 

Bucky huffed in irritation as he realized the food was out of reach of where he was by the cot. He tenderly pried his hand out of Steve’s and scooped all the items he could into his arms before returning to the cot for good. Bucky propped himself up in the corner and hauled Steve up to sit between his legs and lean against his chest. He managed to coax Steve into drinking half a water bottle, but ran into trouble when it came to the food. 

Remembering what Sam had said, Bucky decided to try one of the gel packs first. Steve was having none of that. He squirmed and buried his face into Bucky’s chest. Nothing short of brute force was going to get him to eat the gel, and Bucky outright refused to do that to Steve. He tried to coax him into drinking some protein shake, thinking Steve had taken the water easily, but that didn’t work either. Steve was a stubborn son of a bitch at the best of times, and when he was this far down Bucky knew nothing would budge him. Conceding defeat and grateful that Steve had taken the water, Bucky finished the open gel pack and three protein bars before he pushed the food aside. Bucky gathered both of Steve’s wrists in one large hand and held them firmly to his chest. He wrapped the other arm around Steve tightly after pulling the blankets snug around them. Then Bucky settled in to wait, humming along to some tune he half remembered. Steve curled into him, basking in the presence of his dom.

**Author's Note:**

> I am on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/captaindean13)!!


End file.
